Anyone who has used dating apps knows that they are a world unto themselves.
The sheer number of platforms, while great for its variety, can be bewildering for any newcomer starting their already daunting journey, and once inside the dating sphere, there seems to be a whole different language (i.e. a million flags of different colors) and technique. to do things that can make the experience more or less successful depending on how you approach it.
Take your bio, for example.
While your profile picture and information may be what you think most daters look at, research has shown that there is another critical element to look at and criticize before giving the green or red light: your personality.
And there are some personality types that get the thumbs up a lot more than others.
According to research published in Personality And Individual Difference, people who use dating apps tend to prefer potential mates who have similar levels of three key traits: agreeableness, conscientiousness, and extroversion.
The research was carried out by analyzing a previously proven idea, that couples who have similar personalities tend to report higher relationship satisfaction.
The study not only confirmed this, but found that sharing the three traits of likability, conscientiousness, and extroversion was listed as the most important for the success of a relationship.
Relationship counselor Lauren Bradley says seeking out a partner with similar personality traits, particularly those identified by the study, isn’t unique to dating apps, but evident more broadly.
“When it comes to choosing a partner, we predominantly look for what we know and gravitate towards the familiar. People who rate high on kindness often believe that people are inherently good, trust easily, and demonstrate strong empathy and connection to others,” she explains.
“People who score high on conscientiousness are often thoughtful, organized planners. People who rate low on conscientiousness are often sporadic, spontaneous, and disorganized. The planner and the erratic can potentially go crazy! Extraversion refers to someone who gains energy in the company of others, while those who score low on this characteristic often prefer their own company. The social butterfly and the lone wolf come from opposite poles of social etiquette,” she says.
Sexologist Alice Child says that while couples with similar attitudes, values, and backgrounds tend to experience a longer-lasting intimacy and connection, some personality differences can be beneficial to spice things up a bit.
“Some personality differences are often important in an intimate relationship and are often what attracts us to the person in the first place! After all, it would be pretty boring to date ourselves. The differences are also important for good sex and intimacy. Sex therapist Jack Morin says that arousal equals attraction plus obstacles, which means we need some kind of tension, novelty, difference, or novelty to keep intimacy and arousal alive,” he says.
Bradley agrees and says that this can go beyond sex.
“However, there is some merit in attracting a partner with some difference, for example, someone with a moderately high extroversion would mix well with someone with a moderately low extroversion, bringing one out of their shell and encouraging the other to take social breaks. to recharge energies. We can complement our partners through our differences, as long as those differences are not too severe,” she says.
So what do these personality types look like on a dating app?
A person with a high level of extroversion is likely to have photos of others on their profile in social settings and is likely to actively engage in free conversation with you.
A very nice person can follow your suggestions and focus on you and your day.
A person who is unscrupulous can be really bad at responding to messages and can be slow to organize dates or prefer to ‘wing it’.
Someone with a lot of conscience, on the other hand, can send you daily logs and plan a fabulous date night two weeks from now with a waitlist restaurant reservation.
And finally, the big question: does sharing these traits equal relationship success? I’m sorry to say that the answer is not a simple yes, in fact, it all comes down to many components, experts say.
“Yeah married at first sight there is something to pass, the combination of personality and psychometrics does not always make a happy fairy tale couple. You won’t really know if it’s a personality match until you meet the person in real life and experience real-world interaction, get exposed to his beliefs and values,” says Bradley.
“Every relationship is different, and what works for one couple certainly won’t work for everyone. There is no “one size fits all” approach to great relationships – they are forged from mutual engagement, communication, hard work, and commitment! Add the child.