“Cocaine Bear”, meet Coke Bear.
A Canadian black bear probably felt a sugar rush after swallowing 69 cans of soda that he stole from a woman’s vehicle.
The accompanying photos show the sweet tooth bruin surrounded by crushed cans like the aftermath of a teetotal frat party.
“You could hear it, sipping it all the time,” Sharon Rosel told Jam Press of Cokey the Bear’s pop blitzkrieg, which took place last Thursday in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Canuck had reportedly been storing 72 cans of soda in his truck that he planned to take out at an upcoming company soiree.
Their plans for a soda-filled binge soon fell through after Winnie decided to indulge her sugar craving. Rosel reportedly woke up at 3 a.m. after her dogs began barking, Jam Press reported.
He looked out the window to see that the black bear had broken his car window and was happily gulping down his huge cache of sodas.
Over the next half hour, Fizzly Bear would produce 69 cans of diabetes-inducing cola. Think PG version of the bear binge epic from the 2022 horror-comedy “Cocaine Bear.”
“He started with Orange Crush and eventually the last thing he got was diet soda,” Rosel lamented, adding that the soda thief had a unique way of accessing the containers.
Instead of opening them with his paws as one would suspect, the furry car thief allegedly used his teeth as a calcified can opener.
The Canadian said she tried to “reason with him” but was unable to dissuade him from his fructose-filled rampage.
“I explained to him how important the car was and that he had to go to work the next morning,” he joked. “That didn’t seem to affect him at all.”
The soda cans weren’t the only things that drew Winnie’s ire. According to Rosel, the animal ransacked her car, ripped the leather and broke the window roller during her impromptu happy hour.
“Of course, the white leather interior goes very well with the Orange Crush,” grumbled the robbery victim, who hopes insurance will cover some of the damage.
Rosel explained that the next night the bear returned for a few seconds, but left with empty paws.
It found the attack particularly surprising since it was previously considered well prepared for a bear raid, the CBC reported.
Due to its remote environment, Rosel said he never left food or trash in his car overnight, but gave no thought to soft drinks, as he didn’t think the creatures “could smell pop through a can.”
However, that’s not a problem for a black bear whose sense of smell is “seven times that of a bloodhound,” according to the National Park Service website.
Meanwhile, the nonprofit organization Sunshine Coast Bear Alliance notes on its website that bears are experts at infiltrating vehicles.
“[Bears] they may be attracted to the slightest scent in your car, such as a candy wrapper or scented air freshener,” they write. “Keep your vehicle’s windows closed and locked and the doors locked to prevent damage and a surprise encounter.”
In a more drunken version of this story in 2021, a black bear in Colorado became trapped in a car it had gotten into during an apparent attempt to steal a case of beer.
The frustrated creature ended up destroying the interior, presumably out of frustration that it couldn’t open the case of beer.