On the 4/20th of 2023: What type of stoner are you according to your zodiac sign?

Puff, puff, but don’t stop celebrating this party.

Whether you take a puff or not, there is is an annual festival of marijuana, and people all over the world are cheering to celebrate cannabis.

So, as many marijuana enthusiasts mark 4/20 as the most confusing of unofficial holidays, we bring you a great list of “stoner” styles that match each zodiac sign.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Not a heavy smoker, Aries has a long list of other things, including but not limited to bridges, family members, and incriminating evidence, that he would rather burn.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Willie Nelson is a Taurus. Taurus is grass. I rest my case.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Unable to decide on a thread or a method of ingestion, Gemini does everything at once and finds himself days later in a snorkel mask teaching Morse code to his dog.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Cancer eats pot brownies in bed because being catatonic under a crumb-strewn duvet is a dream come true for moon children of all ages.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Leo uses marijuana leaves that they absolutely didn’t grow to tastefully cover the crotch and nipples for their thirst-trap Instagram tagging #cottonmouth.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo grows their own because they are suspicious of pesticides and mistrustful of others.

The annual “4/20” holiday is also known in marijuana culture as Cannabis Day or Weed Day, and is celebrated by smokers around the world.
NY Post Composite

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Surprise, the elegant centerpiece of Libra is actually a limited edition blown glass bong, crafted by a blindfolded shaman.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio stands alone, always in the dark, always dressed in velvet and only if the grass is sprinkled with the ashes of their exes and elders.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Sagittarius gets high and uses argyle sock puppets to act out the conflicting philosophies of Plato and Aristotle to no one’s amusement.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Always an entrepreneur, Capricorn owns or partners in a dispensary, but doesn’t smoke because it hinders productivity.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius lives in an unmarked basement on a diet of Dip N’ Dots and saves air for a chance to get high in a zero-gravity chamber.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces get inadvisably high and watch classic movies very closely, periodically licking the screen and imagining that they can taste the secrets and secret shame of the stars.

Astrology 101: Your Guide to the Stars

Astrologer Reda Wigle irreverently researches and reports on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love of clubbing, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girl’s guide” to strip clubs, and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.

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