DEAR ABBY: My long time girlfriend and I recently broke up. One of the reasons was that we didn’t agree on a definition of cheating. She met a friend through work who I met once, and what I saw and heard during that interaction he yelled that he was a sleaze wanting to move in with my girl. I expressed my concerns and asked her to stop seeing this friend, and she agreed.
A week later, they renewed the friendship by communicating via Snapchat. For six months she drank with him, went places with him, and talked to him without telling me. She swears they never did anything physical. She’d seen the signs: every once in a while she’d notice she wasn’t where she said she’d be, the car smelled like smoke, and we were drifting apart.
One day, I finally had enough and we agreed to part ways. Since our first day apart, they have been together. I told her that she cheated on me and that I couldn’t trust her. He insists that he wasn’t cheating on me and that I should have been more self-assured and confident. When two people’s definition of cheating differs, what do you do? Who has the reason? — Wondering in Wyoming
DEAR QUESTION: You they are right! Your ex girlfriend was sneaking around seeing someone next door and lying about it. That behavior is definition stop arguing with her and be glad the relationship is over and you are free to find an honest woman to love. I hope the two end up together because they deserve each other.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband died three years ago. We have three adult daughters. He wrote in his will that I would not be at his funeral, which was painful, since we had been married for 30 years. My two oldest daughters felt it was necessary to comply with their wishes. This happened during the pandemic, so not much was done other than the burial of him. He didn’t remarry, but the woman he left me for was a big part of all the planning.
My two oldest daughters are now planning a celebration of life for him. The problem is that they live out of state and they want to stay with me. I don’t want to participate in any of these “celebrations” or even be the host. His relationship with his father during his growing up years was turbulent because he was an angry person most of the time. Now he is his hero, which I also find painful because I was always his “protector”.
Am I seeing all this wrong? What is your advice for dealing with this situation? — SURVIVOR IN THE WEST
DEAR SURVIVOR: You had a long, unhappy marriage and a difficult divorce involving another woman. She can’t change the way her two older daughters feel about her “hero.” Tell your daughters that they are welcome in your house every time they visit, but Because there are so many unpleasant memories associated with this particular event, you’d rather they accumulate elsewhere this time.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
