Dear Abby, My father-in-law was a serial child molester, my husband doesn’t know

DEAR ABBY: I was recently told that my late father-in-law was a serial child molester who abused his daughter and at least two of his grandchildren. My husband deeply loved and respected his parents. Should I tell my husband this information? Should I ask my oldest son if he was also sexually abused like his cousins? I don’t want to “make waves”, but I do want to do what’s best for my son, and I’m not used to hiding things from my husband. — I wish I didn’t know

DEAR WISH: Who gave you this information and why? Was it a credible source? Were the alleged crimes of his late father-in-law reported to the authorities? If you trust his source, by all means, talk to his son and ask if his grandmother ever did anything to make him uncomfortable. Why would he hide this from her husband? Tell him what you were told and by whom.

DEAR ABBY: My brother “Gene” passed away a few months ago. He had been in and out of the hospital for most of 2022. He had four children and although he was not close to them, he tried to have a relationship with them. A boy lived in the same town but wanted nothing to do with him. When they found out that Gene was dying, they all wanted to know what they were getting. Gene’s dying wish was that they not be informed of his death. I felt that he should honor his wishes.

Before he passed away, his eldest son said he was a horrible father. Now my brother is gone, and she’s mad that she “she couldn’t cry” and post nasty things about me on social media. I will not stoop to her level and respond. Gene stopped talking to all of them four months before her death. Was I wrong not to tell him? — HONOR MY BROTHER

DEAR HONOR: No, you were not wrong. You fulfilled your brother’s wishes. It’s sad that his children didn’t have a chance to make amends with their father before his passing, but they will have the rest of their lives to grieve, if frustration at not having inherited anything can be called “grief.”

DEAR ABBY: I am bipolar, and my best friend forever is in her third physically abusive relationship. After he moved in with her, I told him that I had to end the friendship because he also has mental health issues and carries a gun. I fear for his safety.

Having survived and left behind my own abuser, I take my safety seriously. Another friend says that he should be there for her. I told her police officer granddaughter about the abuse. Should I stay or should I go? — VIRGINIA FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE

DEAR FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE: Don’t let anyone blame you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Assure your friend that once this risky romance is over, if she’s still in one piece, you’ll be there for her. You did the right thing by alerting your friend’s granddaughter that her grandmother might be in danger. The woman may need counseling so that she does not continue to get into abusive relationships.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Leave a Comment